Does it really work?: Boy best friends

It’s the age old question that is widely debated. Can girls and boys really be best friends and nothing more? Everyone seems to have an opinion however I have first hand experience on the subject. I went to an all girls primary school so my only male influences until I turned 11 were my family members ( dad,uncle,grandad) including my little brother Hamish who is 18 months my junior. He’s been my best friend since I can remember and he still remains one of my closest human relationships to date and I wouldn’t change it for the world. 

When I entered secondary school I adapted fairly quickly to my new male acquaintances and it was a type of friendship I immediately appreciated. I felt as though I had new brothers and that protective, drama free relationship was something I liked. 

     Of course at 11-12 there wasn’t really much that could seriously get in the way of a inter gender friendship. Yes there were crushes and kisses but no deeper or darker plot lines that could cause serious upset or pain to those involved. At 18 I still love the boy/girl friendship dynamic however I will be the first to admit complications. If one is lucky enough to find a friendship in which there is no sexual chemistry involved then I fully believe that friendship can work for years and years to come. One sided sexual interest or chemistry is where it gets increasingly difficult and painful however if you go about it the right way you can still make it work.

One of my closest friends is male and I wouldn't change our friendship for the world. There have been various bumps in the road and it has not been perfect. I didn't see him for almost a year due to his ex girlfriend not letting me spend time with him however we are stronger than ever and it is like it never happened.
  It is very likely that people will have an opinion on your friendship especially partners however as long as yourself and your best friend know the score then that's all that matters.

It is important to be adult and mature about the situation especially if it involves a third party eg; your best friends girlfriend. I found it difficult to deal with my best friend having a girlfriend as you are going to inevitably be edged to the side slightly. This is totally normal and nothing personal and as long as that person makes your best friend happy then that should be enough to get by. 

   It gets complicated however if the girlfriend/boyfriend in question dislikes you. If this is the case then it's important to be mature about it and to approach the situation with dignity and tact. I think it is a good idea to meet the person in question face to face for a chat as over the phone or through third party messages it can get misunderstood and twisted.
I honestly do believe that I will be best friends with my male friend for years and years to come and I have every belief that we can tackle anything that may come in the way.
  In my opinion, it doesn't matter who your best friend is, whether they are gay,straight,male,female or bright purple, if you have the mindset to make a friendship last then it will.

Have a lovely day :)
Millie x

Dealing with Friendship breakups // MostlyMilly

In my opinion, losing a best friend is even more excruciating than the break up between a girlfriend/boyfriend. Granted, they are both horrendous and not ideal however losing a best friend can make you feel like the loneliest person in the world.

I don't feel as though friendship breakdowns are talked about as much as relationship breakdowns are and so it is harder to find advice on the subject when faced with the situation. We all know the routine after a break-up:

-eat chocolate

-cry

-watch the notebook

-cry more

-block them on facebook

- call your best friend ...

But what happens when this time, the break-up is between you and your best friend? Who do you call and cry to? And who do you watch the notebook with? 

I have been through 3 major best friend break-ups in the last 18 years and each has been just as dreadful. I like to think I am a good friend but I make mistakes and whether the eventual breakdown of these friendships occurred due to fault of my own or the other individual is irrelevant. When you have so much trust and love for another human being and the friendship goes south you need an action plan. 

1) Delete social media- Stalking your ex bestfriend on Facebook/snapchat/instagram will NOT help you. Seeing posts of them and their friends having fun is the last thing you need right now.

2) Focus on yourself- Whether this might be your health, your mental health, your job, your studying, it's important to immerse yourself into something that takes your mind off the situation, even if it's temporary.

3) Learn to love your own company- spending time alone doesn't have to be all bad. Learning to be on your own will help you to feel stronger and less dependant on others for company. I like to read a book and turn my phone off for a night at least once a week.

4) Remember why the friendship ended- It's easy to focus on the great parts of a former friendship and to forget the reasons it didn't work out. Remember the times your former best friend made you feel bad about yourself or let you down.

5) Don't bombard them with messages- I have learnt this step the hard way. If you feel its necessary for you to lay all your cards on the table and to tell them how you feel, do so with class and dignity. Do not make the friendship breakdown public and do not endlessly send them messages. If someone wants to talk to you, they will.

6) Don't talk badly about your ex friend- It's uncalled for and unnecessary and does nothing for your character but make you look immature and bitter ( avoid this even if you are immature and bitter). 

7) If you bump into them, smile- Be the bigger person and smile. " It's far better to be the one who smiled than the one that didn't smile back"

Above all, focus on the friendships you still have. Things have a way of working themselves out and although right now it's terribly hard, time heals more than you think. 

I have spent a long time regretting things that I have done and said to friends who I have cut ties with. Sometimes friendships naturally end and sometimes they end badly however it is important not to burn bridges if possible. Some things are unforgivable but we all make mistakes and it's important to remember that. 

I still love every single one of my past friends and the truth is, if any one of them rang me up at 2 in the morning I would answer the call. I feel no anger towards any of them and I hope they know I still care. 

I hope you never have to go through anything like this however if you do, look after yourself and try and stay positive. 

Lots of love, 

Millie x